Due Date

It's now officially my due date - well not in Blogger because I don't have it set to EST - but in reality it is 9/1/09.  Everything was supposed to be different today. I was going to have my little boy home. Life would be good.

The thing that is upsetting me most is that this is almost like an end to the story. In the past, I always told people when Vincent would have been due. Now that date is in the past. Does that mean the event is the past? Absolutely not. It is my present. 

When people hear a date in the future - they know you are still hurting, the pain is still there. when they hear a date in the past - it is just that. a date in the past. Something that happened in your past. Surely it does not affect your present still does it? Absolutely.  

And if you are looking for ways to distract yourself - don't google subchorionic hematoma - that there is some scary shit. Let's hope the u/s in 2 weeks shows it gone! Or smaller at least!

I miss you little boy. I love you little boy. I am so sorry little boy.