He laughed and said he probably would too. I love my psychiatrist. He found out I conceived like immediately after my last appointment with him and was so funny about it. He said he knows he is "the man" and "hard to resist" but to try try try not to get to enamored with him. Then said he would not be involved in a paternity test and he knows I am just after his money. Others would find this completely inappropriate - but I love our relationship. I have been seeing him for almost 7 years now - every 3 months - just for my klonopin and never asking for a dose increase or anything his "trouble patients" do. For this reason I believe I will truly be on this drug for the rest of my life- and that is O.K. with me.
He did remind me to try and enjoy this pregnancy for what it is worth. That I will miss not making memories. That made me sad, since me boss said something similar this week. She told me to take lots of pictures. I was like - I do! She goes - well that is good because my sister didn't and now regrets not having pictures of her pregnant with her daughter. Me - oh.... I take pictures of my feet and face to see if they swell. \
I don't mean to give off the impression I am not enjoying this pregnancy. I love the little kicks I feel hear and there and the thought of things going o.k. But yeah... they are right. I think I am ignoring this pregnancy a little bit too much. It's just hard at the scary stage when we don't know what will happen.
I know things will become more exciting in the next few weeks. Mid-November marks all the extra appts I will have. I should get my big u/s sometime mid- November to December. Weekly fetal echos. I am going to see Sprout so much, there won't be the option of pretending nothing is going on!
So the stats everyone loves to ask about:
My BP has remained good (for me) 120s/80s. No dip yet, but I have heard it can take a few more weeks (like around 16-20 weeks) so I am not giving up hope it will happen.
Weight gain was 4 pounds at my last check 2 weeks ago.
I really don't have much of an appetite - weird. I drink lots of hot water with lemon - lots of lemon. See if it can keep these kidneys going!
I do have occasional pitting edema in my calves - just on the shin bone though. I have some t.e.d stockings and put my feet up alot. No real foot swelling, mild ankle swelling after long work days, possibly hand swelling (glove size at work sometimes feels too tight - but I always wore them a bit tight anyway).
I think swelling is better at this point than it was last pregnancy - but I know you can't compare - if only it worked that way.
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Saturday the hospital had a memorial service for Infant and Pregnancy loss. It was really nice. Lots of the poems so many of us have found and cried over already during the horrid times. A star ceremony where all the babies names were read out and the families went and put a star on their "sky" (aka- blue felt covered board). There were close to 50 stars when we were done.
Some read letters to their children. Pretty much everyone shed a tear. We got two small stuffed animals when we were leaving (they have them for children at the ceremony to take and at the end they just give away everything). We got a small chameleon for Vincent - and a teddy bear for Sprout. How fitting it would be for Sprout's first stuffed animal to be from Vincent.
I had tried a bit in the past to separate my feelings on Sprout and this pregnancy from my grief over Vincent - but I realized I can't. The journey is hand and hand right now. I focus on good and I focus on sad. Life doesn't compartmentalize as easily as we would like it to!
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