Now that I am just shy of 18 weeks - everything feels like it is happening so fast. In less than 4 weeks I was in the hospital with Vincent, less than 5 weeks I was delivering him. Now that I am starting to write out appointments - I am so terrified.
Tomorrow is Sprout's first heart check - that will be 17 weeks+6
Next Monday we will be having our u/s - and the biggest hope both my husband and I have is that Sprout is still measuring ahead. That my placenta hasn't failed and is doing well with keeping Sprout growing well. Hopefully my pressures will not be on the rise..... and we will also then have an elective ultrasound done to find out the gender! I really want the DVD and pretty stuff that the elective u/s will give us. If my BP is on the rise- I will be terrified. If Sprout still isn't measuring ahead - again terror. I don't want to start the waiting for pre-eclampsia game again. I hope to avoid it FOR A WHILE! Anyways, on Monday I will be 18 weeks + 3
My family will find out Sprout's gender around 19 weeks. 19 weeks - that was the time last pregnancy when my BP shot to 160/100. God everything feels like it is moving so fast now.
I know with all the worries I am spouting- it sounds like I should probably be measuring my BP at home right? Well, I do... and it looks great when I put myself on bedrest for the day/weekend. Working, eh - not so great. Should I go on bed rest? Well, I don't know. I will need to see what the Dr. says on monday. I want to do whatever I need to do - but I really need the money for work as well.
I swell. A LOT.
I guess the scariness is about Sprout - of course I want the baby to survive. The other part of the scariness is for me. I remember acutely what it felt like when I began getting the visual disturbances at 21 weeks. I was scared to go to bed that night because I was terrified of dying. It is such a scary feeling. You are scared for your own life, but you also wish to wake up fine because you want to be pregnant for a while longer. It's scary when you know your body is giving out on you.
I don't know - I really want to get past the next 6 weeks as quick as possible. But, I forgot somehow I would have to actually LIVE through them. Experience the worry and fear. Agh. IT's not enough to just experience the worry and the fear - you also need to try and have some excitement and positivity because THIS IS YOUR BABY'S pregnancy. This may be the last time I have with this baby - or it might be a small fraction of what I have left - but there is no way to know.
I am just so surprised I am at this point in another pregnancy again.
On happy notes - my baby book should be here by Monday, Monday I will get some nifty pictures and a DVD of baby. :)
Let's hope Sprout is still growing great on Monday - and that the heart looks wonderful tomorrow :)
Positive thoughts make the days a hell of a lot more bearable!
Hopefully I will be having some positive updates about growth and everything else soon!
I too am hoping things continue to stay on the right track and that sprout is inside your healthy body until he is full term!!!!
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