I definitely feel that having lost Vincent before having Lou has colored my attitude a bit. I don't mind waking up to feed the baby when I am so tired I am about to collapse. The voice in the back of my head doesn't shut up about how this is how this is supposed to be. The bad part about this voice is a problem that many women can develop called "motherhood idealization". In this case, you make motherhood out to be such a wonderful event that you are blessed with that you feel awful when you have difficulties adjusting to life with a newborn. This is most common with people who undergo IVF and of course, those with a loss. Let me tell you, I idealize motherhood. I am constantly saying I will do anything for this little man , but I will also admit - having a newborn is HARD! We are getting into a schedule a bit and it is easier some days than others - but come on, of course it is hard! So those of you pregnant with your rainbow babies, don't feel bad when it is hard. The pregnancy will be hard at times and having your newborn will be hard at times. Don't ever feel guilty for feeling things are hard. Just because these little guys have made it and are home alive with us doesn't mean everything is sunshine and lollipops - it just makes it easier to smile when you are on 36 hours of being awake and feeding the little one!
So what do we do at home? We try to sleep when Lou is sleeping! His schedule seems to be getting better lately and he sleep for longer chunks of time -3-4 hours :)
We learned he doesn't yet like the vibrating chair yet, I think it overstimulates him. This picture was taken right before the wailing began. He looks so tiny in the chair!
His face is filling back out and he had gained weight and was 5 lbs and 7 ounces at his first doctor check at 13 day old. I love rubbing my face over his soft and spiky hair!
My biggest challenge has been pumping. I started pumping in the hospital to try and give him breastmilk after he was all set with nursing. I have gotten him to nurse successfully a few times, but mostly I pump every 3 hours. I struggle to make 10-14 ounces a day though. I should be averaging 20+. I may eventually ask my doctor in a week or two to start reglan to increase my supply. I still have a few weeks to play around to try to get it up. For now he gets about 50% of his feeds breastmilk. If that is all I can do - so be it. It is better than nothing. Now I need to go pump yet again.
Hope all is well with everyone else!
Fantastic news! He is ADORABLE! But of course I will always say that!! :) Breast feeding...hmmm well keep in mind even if you can just give him a little bit and the substitute with formula...its better than nothing.
ReplyDeleteOh and how are you feeling? Hows yoru BP?
ReplyDeleteHe is so precious!!!! I hope the pumping gets better for you.
ReplyDeleteGlad that things are going well. Keeping my fingers crossed that the breast feeding and pumping level out for you. Hope that you are feeling good physically - aside from the exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear he is growing so well. He is a precious, adorable little miracle!
ReplyDeleteI had so many breastfeeding issues as well with my 38 weeker. These babies are supposed to be near term but they seem to have a lot of issues nursing! Have you tried fenugreek, or Mother's Milk tea or oatmeal to raise supply? 50% is great! I only ever got to about 20% with mine.
You are doing such a wonderful thing pumping regularly for your baby. Keep trying to get him to latch and ask for a lactation consultant's help if needed. Once he gets bigger and stronger he may nurse like a champ - and a baby is much better stimulation than a pump.
Also, have you tried giving him his supplement using a Lactaid or supplementary nursing system? I heard those are helpful in building supply and preventing bottle preference.
My daughter got so used to bottles she never went back to breast after she was 2 months old. I wish I had supplemented these other ways.
oh Jamie, he is so adorable. :) Is he still preemie size or is he in newborn now? Not sure pound size where the change happens. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't get down on yourself if you can't give him all breast milk. I think as blms we want all the best for our babies, but sometimes forget all that extra tlc they get from us carries just as much weight. *hugs*
He is so precious and beautiful!
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