Holding Steady

I am not sure actually what my last update was. Whoops - bad blogger here!

I was discharged from the Brigham on Monday - my doctor was impressed I managed to defy the odds and dodge the PE diagnosis yet again! He did tell me not to expect it to be over though - he thinks we will be facing the same concern in a week or a few weeks, and he doesn't think I will escape PE for long. He also said that hospitalization was absolutely not my last. Basically he told me to go home, strict bed rest, twice weekly visits and a cocktail of meds and wait for the other shoe to drop. When things change and I get scary symptoms ( upper right quadrant pain, headache that doesn't respond to tylenol or visual disturbances) I need to be seen immediately. I am o.k. with worrying about me. I do have some upper right quadrant pain - but very manageable so I am watching it for now. If it becomes severe I will go to L&D. What does stress me out is the emphasis put on how much I need to monitor this baby. The first sign of decreased movement I need to get into L&D. Well..... how much can you tell if a 31 weeker (yippee!!!) has decreased? I do kick counts - but constantly? It is one thing to worry about me getting really sick because I missed a sign for a while. It is a whole other ball game to worry about him going into distress because I wasn't paying enough attention. He seems to like to kick the dogs through my belly though when they lay on it - so that always gets him moving (and makes me wonder if he is actually a bit of a jerk ;p). I mean he kicks our dogs.... turns his face away when his dad looks at the u/s monitor... kicks the fetal monitors ... plays with his penis constantly on u/s...he may just be a little jerk :p

Bedrest at home is helping my BPs - but nowhere near enough. My BP ranges from 130-140/82-100... at rest! yikes. I am on a new med that drugs me pretty bad. My heart rate was lowered from ~90 bpm to ~65 bpm. It makes my mouth dry and so sleeeeepy. So I sleep a lot - hey what else is bed rest for!

My family is holding a small family shower for me. I really hope I can go for an hour. I have been told not to hold my breath - but I am hoping. I need to start having fun with some baby stuff. I have all the stuff on line I can pick out - but I do not have the $$$ to buy it yet. I think if I was doing some fun baby stuff from my couch command center - that would make my days go by so much faster. I need to start harassing the hubby to finish our attic room. We need to get moving - we could be having a baby soon! I think happily of being able to open some cute baby presents - it really excited me to think I may be a normal pregnant women for an hour or two(well except for the fact I will not be able to eat due to the GD and will need to take my BP and leave it becomes too elevated). As of now, the hubby is strongly against me going. My MFM tells me to tread with caution and we'll see where I am at closer to the date (ie - he thinks I may be back in the hospital already). Me, I think I am a big girl and if things are looking stable - I want to go for an hour. I wouldn't go if things were dire. But gosh do I need to experience that happy pregnancy feeling for a small time.

Mentally is tough right now. I need to return to work very shortly after the baby is born. I am the main financial support in this family. I am the very motivated and driven one. Hubby and I complement each other nicely - but I am jealous he will get to stay home. All my time is being used for this bed rest. It irks me how slowly he moves forward with things. Due to this - when he wakes up (he worked late last night) - I am demanding the Turbo Tax login and doing the taxes - he is just too slow for my liking (especially since that money tells me what I can and can't buy!). He can double check them for me - I am done waiting. I called and left a message for my long term disability claim representative today. From what I hear, it seems impossible to be approved for pregnancy related conditions. BUT - if I do manage to that will pay for my COBRA for a month or two. I am just someone who likes to do things. He has needed to take a leave of absence to take care of me and the house, now I am going to have to crack the whip on him because he is just not moving up to par for me. Normally, I love the fact we are different people with different paces. However, now that I am on bed rest , totally dependent on him, and he is home for the sole reason of getting this stuff done - I am going to start giving him lists to get done. That was a bit of a ramble... I just feel like there is so much to do and I can;t do anything! All I can do is oversee - so I guess it is time to round the troops (ie - the hubby).

Let's hope I manage to not weekend at the brigham this weekend :)