July 29th was Vincent's 3-month angel day. It was tough to think it had been that long. 3 months ago to the day I was in the same hospital - holding my little baby boy. 3 months later I was working away - with no living baby at home. I should have had a 3 month old baby. Actually, I should still have been pregnant. Instead I was walking around all day in a daze mourning what had become.
I found myself in the chapel at work. I went and got the memory book I had wrote in the day we left the hospital with our memory box instead of our baby. I had a good cry and went about the day.
Actually that wasn't even the start of things. First, 7/27 I told a friend I couldn't talk to him about his upcoming baby because it hurt me too much. Instead it came off as me saying I didn't care. I know that is not how it was meant - and really he should understand that as well- but a friendship kinda died that night and I cried over my behavior ... which I still think is perfectly understandable. 7/28 I cried the whole way home from work wondering what happened to me. 7/29 I had the above mentioned breakdown and ended up in the chapel at work.
Since then I have been so upset by the pregnant women coming into the hospital to have their babies - that is what I should be doing. I can't complain too much though at work - some people think I am not handling my loss very well - like I should be over it - really? i will never be over my son not being here. I am forever changed.
Anyway, I have been feeling really sick and emotional - so just for the hell of it I took a pregnancy test. It was negative and I tossed it after 2 minutes. Then I went through all of Vincent's pictures and blanket from the memory box. 3 hours later that pregnancy test was looked at again - definitely a faint line there. It was after the test limit - so I am considering it negative - but I have never had an evaporation line on a FRER. They are really quality tests. So now I am not sure. I may actually be pregnant again. That terrifies me. It excites me as well though. I am going to retest tomorrow with FMU. We'll see. However I know now that a positive pregnancy test does not mean bringing home a baby nine months later. One day at a time - let's see what tomorrow's test brings.
I adore the dachsies! Both of mine recently went on diets. Our "mini" boy dachsie, Napoleon, weighed in at 22.5 pounds. Vet said 20-21 was his happy place- he's not a mini at all even though his papers say he is. Our little girl, Nessie (short for Baroness), was 21 and needs to 19 per the vet. She still has about 1/2 pound to go but has done well.
ReplyDeleteWe changed their food to a light food and the time. We were feeding them at night when we ate dinner but moved it to the morning instead. Plus, it helps that our boys are older and understand that table scraps are not good for the dogs. The only thing they get from the table is an egg each on Sunday morning.
Beautiful furkids! post lots of pics!
Yes I guess daschunds really love their food, huh? I guess mine were both supposed to be minis - but I am glad they are bigger! I'll need to try feeding mine during the day - maybe your boys can teach my hubby table scraps are not good for the dogs - he adds a little something to their food all the time ;)
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