NICU tour

Well today was interesting. No real news on any front - except my Dr. told me to have the hubby bring me in a humidifier for my hospital room. He also told me to go ahead and cancel my upcoming Dr.'s appts. This was in response to asking whether I was going home anytime soon since I am stabilized. I take that as I am staying a while, which is o.k. I just wanted to know since everyone asks. I think I *could* theoretically get sent home again - but it seems highly unlikely. He said he is worried by how fast and furious my disease progressed last time. It is too risky to not be conservative with me. So I am just settling right in. Honestly, my BPs are great here too compared to at home or office visits - so something about being here on bedrest really lowers them. This really is where I need to be.

I got to go on a field trip today to the NICU. A NICU nurse teaches a course for parents to try and prepare them for a NICU stay. I knew most of the medical information she gave me. All the breathing assistance, monitoring they would need and complications of prematurity - yep I have done my homework. I did learn hospital policy - such as a 35 weeker will require a trip to the NICU for monitoring for at least 18 hours even if all appears well (which is good because I have heard 35 weekers can fool you into thinking they are doing better than they are). A 36 week +0 day baby with no problems can avoid the NICU. However we focused on the two major milestones left - which me and one other woman doing the class are at. So we talked about 32 weekers and 34 weekers. Obviously I hope to hold out until 36 weeks. 32 is good, 34 is better and 36 would be awesome.

The next part of the tour was rough - we went and saw a 32 weeker and 34 weeker in the NICU. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. Remarkably- the things I thought would be horrid weren't that bad and the stuff I thought I was prepared for was terrifying. Seeing those babies with tubes and wires everywhere was so rough. One thing that shocked me was how much the 32 weeker looked like a bigger version of Vincent. I mean, I guess technically that is exactly what he is, but I couldn't believe how small this 4 pound baby seemed when I have held my 9 ounce baby. You would think a 4 pounder would be HUGE. But he wasn't. He was tiny and fragile. He was the first baby I have looked at since I held Vincent. He opened his little eyes and held up a little hand towards us - I thought I was going to lose it. He just seemed so tiny and it was clear how far he still had left to come. He was actually doing really well - but my gosh what a long road. Another brand new long tough road I am trying to avoid walking down.

So I came back here and mentioned to Sprout that he needs to stay ok. on the inside for a LONG 4.5 more weeks. Come on buddy, stay strong!

The visit was taxing, emotional, I was alone because the hubby was working and I came back to BPs higher than they have been in days (well, not like the nurse actually wrote them down - she just gave me meds and then retook it when my BP went down after meds - whatever). I expected the visit to feel empowering. Like I would know how the NICU works and be that much closer to being prepared. WRONG! Instead I felt helpless - which is actually how I suspect every parent in that room feels.

Now for a random treat I decided to snap some pictures of myself in the mirror before going on the tour. I am all about trying to photograph my life lately (even going so far as to take pictures of all the needles I had to give myself and whatnot). I wanted to be able to look back on the day I got an intro to NICU (now I am hoping to obviously never need that intro!). Plus, I do not have many belly shots and boy am I HUGE!!!

31 weeks + 5 days

Hope everyone is well.

Blech -Pre-eclampsia Again ... Officially

So Sunday I went to L& D at 2 am for a headache that just wouldn't quit - even with Tylenol. BPs were 150s/90s. My meds got increased and I was allowed to go home. The next day I had a dr.'s appt and he hospitalized me. My BPs were 150s/100s (that is heavily medicated) and my urine is now positive for "enough" protein for PE to be diagnosed.

We need to rue out these headaches as being sinus related because god would I hate to deliver early due to a sinus infection :/ I have no signs of infection though - so they will not give me antibiotics. If I can't shake the headaches we will deliver. Ahhhh!!! I hate feeling like it is something that is up to me - ie whether my headache is getting better or worse holds so much weight for Sprout. The real problem with them is that they are not that painful - so it seems like such overkill for people to be in a tizzy about the fact they won't go away. I know why they are worried - but honestly - just give me some antibiotics in case. Thankfully my MFM is questioning sinus involvement as well - so he will not rush to deliver. The problem is I can't get them to go away. In preeclampsia this can indicate cerebral swelling. However, most describe the headache as excruciating- me - nope more of an annoyance. I don't want to seize or have a stroke - but I don't want anyone to panic and deliver Sprout early without just cause.

So basically I am stable, in the hospital, but stable. I think it is looking like I will be here until delivery - which we would probably do now at 36 weeks the latest. That is only 4.5 weeks away ! Where did time go. So I am stable, Sprout hopefully will be too. I am worried his growth is slowing down. I had a fun ultrasound today. One of the doctors who induced me with Vincent is learning how to do in depth u/s and he asked if I would want to volunteer for him to scan me with a teacher. It was really really cool. First off, I love this doctor has visited me every time I have been admitted for social reasons - or like today to offer me a u/s! It means so much to me that my experience last time touched him so much. He is always smiling about how far I have come - and he is not even my doctor at all now! The u/s itself was cool because they were going really in depth with his face and racing to scan from point A to point B in the quickest time frames :)

It was scary as well though because the rough measurements they took of Sprout's legs and skull make it look like he hasn't grown much in the past two weeks. I will have an official growth scan later this week though - so I will not worry until I have an official report. I keep reminding myself this was training and not diagnostic - but we know how much everything can worry us now.

So, how am I feeling - guilty. I feel guilty that my body is making it so Sprout isn't in optimal conditions now, I feel guilty he may come early. I feel guilty I have focused so much on losing Vincent - I haven't really bonded with this guy yet. I know that will all change and the bonding will be instant - but I feel bad I don't have that silly bliss about me.

Everytime it takes more than a few seconds to hear him on the doppler - I worry he is gone. When he is being evaluated for how he is doing on the inside - I worry my placenta is failing him and this will be the time he shows distress. I worry I won't feel him for a while and won't notice and when I do - that it will be too late. I worry my headaches will not go away and he will be in the NICU over me having stupid sinus pressures and freaking everyone out about it. I now even worry that the fact my blood sugars are AMAZING means my placenta is quitting out on me.

I guess mentally I am not really O.K. I thought I was doing alright - but I am kind of in denial. I am hoping to hold off delivery until we can avoid the NICU. Honestly though, I can't see myself with a baby - I just can't. My mind doesn't go that far. Now people are talking about delivery soon and weighing pros vs cons - it all feels so unreal. I think we didn't deal with our emotions and try to work through our loss before this pregnancy. The way I looked at it was it was always going to hurt so why wait? But we were never able to really focus on Sprout. We are so happy he is coming and sooooo excited we have gotten this far - but how do you start preparing for a baby you didn't even consider was a possibility until 3 weeks ago? It sounds so morbid - but loss parents out there will understand - you try to walk a fine line between cherishing every day with the pregnancy and also protecting yourself from loss again. Your world gets so shattered at that first loss - when suddenly the whole world is differently than you expected it. It is hard to imagine having a different ending. I mean last time you were prepared. last time you were ready. last time you were crushed by loss. This time kind of lives in the shadow of last time. Maybe more so for me than others since I have been on bedrest and at risk for PE the whole time again. What I wouldn't give for that ignorant bliss back.

Then do you want to hear the really awful part? Part of me is actually upset I don't get the "normals". I mean -I should be so much more grateful than that since I know how fragile a pregnancy can be. Yet I find myself upset I won't be able to go to my baby shower and mingle and smile with ease. If by some miracle I am out of the hospital that day (unlikely) I will be laying on my left side the whole shower. Taking my BP the time. Oh - and not eating cake because of the GD! I am upset I missed out on the normal living of your every day life when pregnant. Going to work pregnant, shopping for baby stuff. Seems silly, but when you can't leave your couch they start to be more important. The biggest thing I feel like I am missing out on is having a normal birth experience. I have always envisioned being home and having my water break and the mad dash to the hospital. Highly unlikely now. Most likely I will be induced. I also feel like I do not have the freedom to have as many children as I want. Sprout will be our only one. Pregnancy is too hard on my body and if I have a child at home to support - I can't go through another high risk pregnancy like this. It is so hard on you mentally, financially and physically. I could do this because it was just me and the hubby and we WOULD NOT give up on trying to bring a baby home. Once we have one home- I don't think we will do this again. Thank god for IUDs!

But either way - we are lucky we have made it this far. I am very grateful and whatever journey we face next will be with Sprout. We never made it this far with Vincent - so whatever is in the cards now for us will be a new journey. Vincent will be with us in spirit and memory - but I am leaning to talk to Sprout and prepare for the road ahead with him. I am sorry it took so long for me to talk to him and rub his little legs while he kicks - but I was not ready before. I am sure he hears enough of my mindless drabble anyway! So hospital time is me + sprout bonding time. What do I miss about home?

WELL .. the dachshies of course!!!! My bedrest buddies! So here are some pics of them to end on!

Me and Belle- complete with my swollen PE face!

She goes to whoever will cuddle her

But her favorite really is the hubby!

and sweet Grant - he was laying under the covers with his head on my belly- he likes to listen to Sprout's heartbeart - what a sweet little man!

Holding Steady

I am not sure actually what my last update was. Whoops - bad blogger here!

I was discharged from the Brigham on Monday - my doctor was impressed I managed to defy the odds and dodge the PE diagnosis yet again! He did tell me not to expect it to be over though - he thinks we will be facing the same concern in a week or a few weeks, and he doesn't think I will escape PE for long. He also said that hospitalization was absolutely not my last. Basically he told me to go home, strict bed rest, twice weekly visits and a cocktail of meds and wait for the other shoe to drop. When things change and I get scary symptoms ( upper right quadrant pain, headache that doesn't respond to tylenol or visual disturbances) I need to be seen immediately. I am o.k. with worrying about me. I do have some upper right quadrant pain - but very manageable so I am watching it for now. If it becomes severe I will go to L&D. What does stress me out is the emphasis put on how much I need to monitor this baby. The first sign of decreased movement I need to get into L&D. Well..... how much can you tell if a 31 weeker (yippee!!!) has decreased? I do kick counts - but constantly? It is one thing to worry about me getting really sick because I missed a sign for a while. It is a whole other ball game to worry about him going into distress because I wasn't paying enough attention. He seems to like to kick the dogs through my belly though when they lay on it - so that always gets him moving (and makes me wonder if he is actually a bit of a jerk ;p). I mean he kicks our dogs.... turns his face away when his dad looks at the u/s monitor... kicks the fetal monitors ... plays with his penis constantly on u/s...he may just be a little jerk :p

Bedrest at home is helping my BPs - but nowhere near enough. My BP ranges from 130-140/82-100... at rest! yikes. I am on a new med that drugs me pretty bad. My heart rate was lowered from ~90 bpm to ~65 bpm. It makes my mouth dry and so sleeeeepy. So I sleep a lot - hey what else is bed rest for!

My family is holding a small family shower for me. I really hope I can go for an hour. I have been told not to hold my breath - but I am hoping. I need to start having fun with some baby stuff. I have all the stuff on line I can pick out - but I do not have the $$$ to buy it yet. I think if I was doing some fun baby stuff from my couch command center - that would make my days go by so much faster. I need to start harassing the hubby to finish our attic room. We need to get moving - we could be having a baby soon! I think happily of being able to open some cute baby presents - it really excited me to think I may be a normal pregnant women for an hour or two(well except for the fact I will not be able to eat due to the GD and will need to take my BP and leave it becomes too elevated). As of now, the hubby is strongly against me going. My MFM tells me to tread with caution and we'll see where I am at closer to the date (ie - he thinks I may be back in the hospital already). Me, I think I am a big girl and if things are looking stable - I want to go for an hour. I wouldn't go if things were dire. But gosh do I need to experience that happy pregnancy feeling for a small time.

Mentally is tough right now. I need to return to work very shortly after the baby is born. I am the main financial support in this family. I am the very motivated and driven one. Hubby and I complement each other nicely - but I am jealous he will get to stay home. All my time is being used for this bed rest. It irks me how slowly he moves forward with things. Due to this - when he wakes up (he worked late last night) - I am demanding the Turbo Tax login and doing the taxes - he is just too slow for my liking (especially since that money tells me what I can and can't buy!). He can double check them for me - I am done waiting. I called and left a message for my long term disability claim representative today. From what I hear, it seems impossible to be approved for pregnancy related conditions. BUT - if I do manage to that will pay for my COBRA for a month or two. I am just someone who likes to do things. He has needed to take a leave of absence to take care of me and the house, now I am going to have to crack the whip on him because he is just not moving up to par for me. Normally, I love the fact we are different people with different paces. However, now that I am on bed rest , totally dependent on him, and he is home for the sole reason of getting this stuff done - I am going to start giving him lists to get done. That was a bit of a ramble... I just feel like there is so much to do and I can;t do anything! All I can do is oversee - so I guess it is time to round the troops (ie - the hubby).

Let's hope I manage to not weekend at the brigham this weekend :)

Happy Valentine's Day Vincent

Little boy,

Last year on today your dad and I were joking about how this year would be your first Valentine's Day. You should have been only 6 months old - almost 7 maybe if you were born around your due date.

We laughed about how in the future we would need to buy you those little Spiderman chocolate or Snoopy hearts - all the cute kiddo ones. We then talked about how much money we would have to shell out for you to be the little stud we knew you would and bring all your girlfriends a flower.

We weren't silly, we knew you wouldn't be doing this this year. This year was going to be special. Just the 3 of us. Heart waffles for breakfast - a nice walk with the dachshies - and a special cupcake treat for you (you know I would totally hook you up with some even though I really shouldn't). All the while in a over the top cutesy outfit.

It was hard today in the hospital where we met you for the first and last time to listen to the little boys visiting their mom down the hall. Yelling Happy Valentine's in their sweet voices. It was a reminder of one more day that isn't how it was supposed to be. I am supposed to be home with you, not in the hospital trying to hold on to your brother for a little while longer. I am supposed to be so content with my life, instead I feel as though I am still just going through the motions.

Thank you baby boy for showing me what unconditional love feels like. I have that to warm my heart today, To know how it feels to love so intensely. It is a love any mother feels for her baby. It makes me love your dad even more because of how deeply he loved you. It makes me love your brother even more because he is like you - made from your dad and I. It made me realize love and family is all that really matters in life.

My secret wish - I hope Sprout looks like you. You looked just like your dad. I hope Sprout does too - although he appears to have my nose - the poor little guy!

I love you baby boy and I hope you are having fun with all your little girlfriends. Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be as close and as strong as we are now, if it wasn't for how much we loved you little boy. Thank you for your gift of love.

PE staying away!

Well, I am honestly just so happy! My latest 24 hour result went DOWN to 245 ish. Lower than the 300 needed to diagnose PE - and lower than the 297 I had last weekend!!!

My BPs have been pretty much great - as they well should be since they only take your BP after you have been laying down for a while. I had one spike of a 160/78 Friday night, but everything else has seemed to be not too shabby and actually kind of low ( like 120-140 / 70-85).

The on-call doctor came in today and we discussed the fact that my BPs are so much higher at home. My average had been 135/95. In my doctor's office they got 142/100 - so I know my machine is accurate and I have brought it in to compare a few times. The doctor explained how these pressures are still important - even though my pressures here are better. I think they are shocked at how well lying on my butt all day brings down my pressures. She said that based off my home readings we are borderline for needing a med adjustment - but based off my pressures here - a med adjustment may make my pressures go too low and bottom out. She was going to call my MFM (who I guess wants to be consulted ) then see if I could go home. I was excited with the idea - but did tell her I wanted a plan about how to try and avoid coming in every weekend - I mean it's not really my choice of a weekend retreat :p She laughed and just said it may be unavoidable - so I proposed a blood pressure check at home every two hours so we see the spikes go down (when waking of course). She mentioned it will be a long next few weeks since I may be in and out of here a lot. I told her a long few weeks is so much more preferable to me than no more weeks and she quickly agreed.

I think a lot of my management has to due with the fact that I never presented very ill before my last horrid bout with PE. On Monday I had an o.k. appt with elevated pressures of 160/100. Thursday I called and asked to have my swelling looked at and BP was ~200/110-120, kidneys leaking protein and liver enzymes elevated. It was so quick. This - thank god - whatever it is - is not progressing quickly. At least not yet. Everyone keeps telling me that can change at any minute. But..... I am so happy in a hour I am beta complete - meaning baby boy has received the benefits of his steroid shots! Since I have GD this time - I am thrilled he has that boost for his lungs since I am hearing the longest I will probably be pregnant is 37 weeks and if my BP acts up - it will be less obviously. That is crazy to think off. So soon.

So I never saw the doctors again tonight, at least not yet. The nurse came in though and told me my doctor has squashed any and all plans of me leaving tonight. He wants me added to a new med and monitored so we can try and get it so I do not have stroke range spikes when not here - which could also lead to fatal placental abruptions. He wants the new med to be monitored with my pressures here- since my BP is so low at times - he needs to make sure I do not go too low.

Honestly, I was a little sad for a minute because I do miss the dogs. My hubby is happy because me BPs were terrifying him at home - plus he is working on our new room and is terrified of setting off my asthma again. So he feels bad not being in the hospital that much - but on the other hand, he is getting so much work down that we need - and doing it with the least impact on my breathing! Honestly, I am not the high maintenance type in the hospital - I mean it is boring here - he doesn't need to be bored as well ( especially when he is making me a new bedroom!).

On the other hand, I am thrilled. So many women with all sorts of issues need to demand care from the doctors. Especially I have noticed this with PE, where I am not diagnostic right now - most women would have their doctors dismissing everything. It feels good to have my doctor being more proactive then me even. I am not in a position where I have to fight for care. THAT is some piece of mind.

Now we just need to think of a way to get these hospital beds ways more cozy......

OH - and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Back in the Brigham

So I was released from the hospital Monday. Thursday I had a BPP - baby boy passed wonderfully. My BP however - sucked. 142/100 (yep, that was manual and lower than the other one). They draw labs and I was smart and asked if I could take a 24 hour set-up home so if a 24- hour urine was ordered I could just do it at home instead of the hospital.

I had a voicemail this am. Blood work was great (woo hoo!). Protein ratio in my urine was up from 0.19 (which gave me the 293 24-hour test) to 0.22. Likely I have PE again now. I was instructed to start a 24 hour urine. My nurse called back an hour later and said she actually just got in touch with the MFM and he wanted me back in for monitoring......

Me: well observation or should I pack a bag?

Her: observation only right now - but bring a bag

My BP upon arriving at L&D was 159/95 (on meds). I started another 24 hour urine that will be done tomorrow at 6:30pm. The resident came in and said I was staying to get the steroid shots and we would try to keep my pregnant for another week or two. I asked for 6 more weeks and she said they would try, but unlikely. Also, the NICU will be coming to visit me soon to discuss what may happen at delivery. I got the first shot and then my MFM came in - he may send me home at some point but said to mentally prepare for hospital bed rest for a few weeks. I said a few weeks right like more than 1 or 2 - he laughed and said weeks but hospital weeks not home weeks and thankfully we will have the second steroid shot on bored tomorrow at 6pm and I will be beta complete Sunday at 6:30 pm.

My poor hubby. A note was on my chart that stated why I was coming in. I saw it :) It said MFM: (dr amazing)

positive urine SPOT

increasing BPs

history of severe PE at 22 weeks - LOSS

contact "HIM" (i found that part hilarious as o.k. - he is adament I guess!)

The nurse right when I walked in said I am so sorry for your loss. I thanked her and we began doing admitting paperwork. When I went to leave a urine sample she went and got my hubby from waiting area to bring him into triage (the Brigham needs to leave them out in triage while they make sure you are not being abused ;p) . When she led him into the room she looked at him and said I am so sorry for your loss. He started to hyperventilate and shake until he realized she meant last time - for a minute he thought we lost the baby again. He was a mess the rest of the night.

I am back in the same room I was admitted to last visit! Hubby came up and we ate dinner together and watched a movie. Calm and nice.

I dread meeting the NICU - I don't want to have to think about that - but no I need to. Last time I met with them they told me they couldn't help Vincent and as his parent's we had to decide whether we wanted to try ( although odds were less than 5% he would survive to 24 weeks and 0% chance of no severe brain injury due to the placenta starving his brain of oxygen) to hold on two more weeks with my kidneys getting worse by the minute and my risk of stroke or seaizure rising - or if we could let him go peacefully. It sucked. It was the first time we were called his mom and dad by someone. I know we will be having a much different conversation this week - but still memories and ghosts.

The hubby will be working on our new room this weekend (so he can start working on little boy's room!). I'll be designing from afar most likely. actually, I am very excited he will have a whole new room prepared for us - it will be a treat!

So I am still hoping to get out again (while still pregnant) but I understand it is not likely. I will be writing a lot I am sure in the upcoming days - so much time on our hands in the hospital!

I miss home and the dachshunds though. Not seeing them will be so hard. Worth it for baby, but hard. I'll need to give them extra love when I get home!

Hope everyone is well!

Jamie

293 = no PE!

Protein was 293 mgs :) That is just barely negative. 7 mgs away from positive ( normal pregnant women have below 150 mgs ) . I got to go home on strict bed rest with twice weekly appointments to keep an eye on Sprout. The doctor mentioned I am so close to positive I need to treat any new symptoms as disease worsening - but I am home :)

The daschies freaked when they saw me - I love those dogs.

THE PERFECT DAY FOR THIS

Thank you so very much to Lisa, Jasper's Mom, from Waterfall Angels for these beautiful photos she took of Vincent's name. They are so lovely. The timing was perfect too on this tough day.

Thanks again Lisa!

O.K. for now

I posted this on the PF forums and I am just so exhausted I am going to copy and paste - sorry bad blogger but I want to give you all updates. I did bring a bag- and will continue to every appt. now - hubby and doctor agreed I wasn't crazy :)

*********************

Sorry I didn't get this out sooner. I am having issues galore - but none are major! That is good news!

My MFM appt yesterday went well. I am not sure if my protein went up - I dipped it and got +1 - but the tech got trace. I am starting to wonder if they leave it in long enough. BP was actually o.k. in the office (well for me) at 148/88 (but I had taken my med 2 hours earlier). At home my pressures are consistently in the 140s / 90s which is above my recent average of 120s/low-mid 80s. My MFM doesn't even pay attention to the office visit pressures - only my home numbers. He wants to watch them for another week before adding a new med ( I am maxed on procardia and he did talk about going over the max - but I am not sure how I feel about it). He wants to make sure my pressures really are up.

He said if they are still up next week we will do PIH labs again and another 24 hour urine. Then he said we will probably do them next week anyway even if the pressures are not up. He took everything very serious and examined my swelling. Oh - I have pitting ankles now as well as legs. He said an ASAP emergency will be pitting hands / facial swelling. I mentioned my face was a bit puffier and he poked around it and told my hubby to look carefully at my face every morning and see how it is doing.

My report to L&D numbers are still 160/100. also I need to go back sooner for any of the above mentioned swelling, headaches worse then what I have now (only about a 2-3 on the pain scale and they respond well to tylenol), heartburn that is not going away and he said it is very important for me to go in for monitoring if I feel baby less AT ALL. He said with the GD and the HTN I need to be careful with not feeling movement.

BPP was AWESOME! Baby scored 8/8 - we even saw him practice breathing at 28 week + 3 days! He passed in less than 10 minutes - little show off.

MFM said he will NOT want me to stay pregnant longer than 37 weeks - maybe he will allow 38 weeks but he doubts it. Then he said we probably shouldn;t even plan anything because he has doubts as to whether I will make it to 37 weeks. BUT if I do, he says there is no point pushing it. I was worried he was going to push it because of the GD - but nope :)

The groin pain is that pelvic separation thingy. It is intense. By the time I got home from my appt yesterday it was after 6 pm and anytime I moved I started bawling. Too much walking during the day I guess. So I feel asleep right before 7 last night and slept until 7 this morning when I needed to leave for another appt.

The GD appt went well - they are very happy with my numbers and said I can experiment a bit and stop being so good :) Yippee.

BUT.... I did have more spotting this morning. Very small amount again - but dark red again. I brought it in to show the nurse and she did a check and my cervix is fine and baby hr was fine. She agreed it was a very small amount but couldn't find a cause and was glad i got it checked out. So now I have to pay close attention to the spotting ( one more time - could have been from the exam) and kick counts. They don't want to do a NST because I am still so early - but if it keeps up I need to go get hooked up to one. So I just got home again!

I am on even stricter bed rest and my 2 hours of light activity have been taken away. BPs are staying 140s/90s at home - just keeping a close eye on everything for now. My swelling is uncomfortable and the pelvic pain is ridiculous. The docs told me to have a very low call-in threshold. - which I do.

I told my doctor this month is very important for me. I will be 32 weeks at the end of the month and i really want to make it to 32 weeks. He thinks it is a good goal for now.

They offered me some opiates for the pain (since it makes me cry) but I turned them down for now. I want baby to not have extra drugs in his system. If it gets worse I will take the meds because last night was ridiculous.

Thanks for checking in on me - I didn;t mean not to update last night.