* I wish I wasn't worried about Sprout so much
* I wish I was a better friend and didn't shut down so much right now, honestly it is my problem and not any one else's . Thank you for all still being there - even when I am not
* I wish I was more dependable at work and not running away every time I start to have bleeding- I thank everyone I work with - especially the big wigs :) - for giving me time, space and support
* I wish I had a crystal ball and could see how things would turn out - actually fuck the crystal ball - someone just tell me everything will be O.K. someday please
* I wish people would understand the pain of a loss - WITHOUT having to feel it themselves - and understand that we hurt - and the hurt won't ever go away
* I wish people thought before they made stupid comments about just getting through the first trimester - that doesn't fix everything
* I wish people understood we did actually have a baby - it's O.K. to talk about him
* I wish I could feel more joy at this heart beating inside of me - but I am so scared of the hurt again
* I wish my husband wasn't terrified of losing me or another baby - it isn't fair to him
* I wish I had answers - WHY did everything go so wrong - is there a way to fix it in the future
* I wish I was the happy person I once was
* I wish I still laughed too much, enjoyed life too much and smiled constantly
* I wish everyday didn't hurt just a little bit
* I wish no one felt this pain
* I wish everyone who struggles so hard for a child - get their dreams granted- however it does not
work that way and that breaks my heart
* I wish no one had the pain of multiple losses
* I wish my hair wasn't so hormone ravaged and dead
* I wish I wasn't just negative and worried about this pregnancy
* I wish I didn't accidently wax off part of my left eyebrow because I was too distracted by my positive pregnancy test - but I am thankful for how much my hubby and I laughed at it :)
* I wish I could live off sour fruit gummy things
* I wish I didn't burn my tongue on said sour things and keep eating them anyway
* I wish my high school friends baby didn't need a transplant to live
* I wish sooo many potential recipients on waiting lists didn't die before getting a transplant
* I wish I could still be pregnant AND work on call - I like feeling like I changed someone's life
* I wish there was a cure for pre-eclampsia - and not just delivery of the baby
* I wish my best friend didn't hurt so much in life - she deserves so much better
* Mainly, I wish everything was just different, the way it was supposed to be - not the way it is
I wish all these things for you too...
ReplyDelete"This pain is not to make you sad, remember. That's where
people go on missing.... This pain is just to make you
more alert--because people become alert only when the arrow
goes deep into their heart and wounds them. Otherwise they
don't become alert. When life is easy, comfortable, convenient,
who cares? Who bothers to become alert? When a friend dies,
there is a possibility. When your woman leaves you alone--those
dark nights, you are lonely. You have loved that woman so much
and you have staked all, and then suddenly one day she is gone.
Crying in your loneliness, those are the occasions when,
if you use them, you can become aware.
The arrow is hurting: it can be used. The pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware! And when you are aware, misery disappears." Osho
I wish we could all turn back the clocks to the moment in time before our worlds' imploded.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a peaceful day!