future goals

So some may say my timing for making some life goals is probably off. I mean, I am sitting in the hospital now just eagerly awaiting the birth of the little boy who is sure to take over my whole world with things I never thought possible. But all this time to myself has reinforced the person I want to be. The person who it feels like I am. So I want to take steps to actively be that person. I don't want the excuses anymore. I had excuses for the past two years. First I was training for on-call. That took up so much time I was just focused on work. Then I was just too destroyed after losing Vincent, barely functioning needed to be enough - nevermind thriving. Most recently, it has been my inability to do anything after 4 months of bedrest. Don't get me wrong, I needed to undergo this journey and I have no regrets - I just want to start thinking about LIVING again. Not waiting, not anticipating, not hiding. DOING.

So, as I will be 29 in a few weeks (where does time go) here are my short goals I will be working on:

1) Cook a delicious dinner one night a week. This is huge for me because my hubby is an amazing cook. So it is very easy for me to let him handle all things culinary. But the thing is... I like cooking! So I am going to start. I am already fairly decent - but stay within my comfort zone. So now I want to expand and make a yummy meal once a week (let's be realistic probably a weekend day!). I want these meals to also include desserts - one area where I really stick to the basics.

2) Read little boy classic books. I am assuming it will be about a book a month for now. His first story will be Wizard of Oz. I love reading out loud and my hubby likes to listen to me - so I have already read books out loud to him and the pets (who adore listening to you drone on and on!). So I will read him a book that the hubby and I also want to hear. I am still making a list, but I figure a book a month is a good goal - since of course we will still be reading him regular children's books (mostly about dachshunds!).

3) Work on Grant's back. Poor dog has lots of problems with one of the discs in his back. It flares up sometimes and he ends up back on rest and pain pills. He is too young for this cycle! How will I work on his back? Well I need to motivate him to lose that last 5 pounds he is holding so dearly onto. He will be kicked into gear by me..... wait and see. The hubby is too soft on him - I am going to work that little german dog!

4) My health. Now this may sound vain, but it's not. After 2 pregnancies with PE and 1 with GD - my future health is looking pretty grim truthfully. The PE raises your risk of cardiovascular diseases, which my dad's side of the family are covered with. Both my parents have high cholesterol. I have an increased risk of developing diabetes in the next decade. All I have to say to all of this is yuck! The best thing I can do - lose weight and stay in good shape. I am lucky in the fact the hubby and I both love outdoor activities. Our vacations consist of where to hike with the dogs. Weekends are full of biking and day hikes. Adding a baby to the mix won't make the hiking any harder - biking yes, but we will just have to take a year off from that until baby boy can safely ride along with the hubby. Thankfully we already eat really good ( although one of my biggest pet peeves is people who say how well they eat when you know 75% of what they do eat is processed, pre-prepared garbage! I have such a hard time biting my tongue!). I am just going to do my best to stay on the GD diet - with the exception of my weekly dinner nights! See how well that works out! This pregnancy I have gained between 16-18 pounds, but last pregnancy I gained 35 pounds which I never lost when the depression over my loss snuck in. So pregnancy alone has jumped my weight up a bit over 50 pounds over the past 15 months. Since I wanted to lose 20 pounds before that - my goals is actually going to be to lose 75 pounds. This is my before 30 goal. Once I have the baby, I will set-up a ticker for it. It's a lofty goal - one year and 75 pounds - but I am fairly certain I will be able to accomplish it. Let's see.....

The one goal that is the most important and will need to be worked on every day is finding a new balance in life as a family. This will be the hardest I am sure. This is the one that is top priority one. In the past - I used to obsess over issues. I would want to tackle finances, so I worked non-stop. That was fine when it was just the hubby and I, but now I will have to balance little man into the equation as well. If the finances suck for another few years, well at least I will be around watching the boy grow. If I wanted to go out after work with people and have a few drinks - I am the one who would stumble to the train station 4 hours later completely inebriated. It was fun, but the time for that is over as well (thank goodness being pregnant for 1.5 years has already broken that habit - now I just need to remember I do not have a personal vendetta against my liver- we need to work together!).

I guess I am just excited to be able to envision how I want to live. I know I should be living now, but honestly my life got put on hold after last pregnancy. It is not healthy to admit - but I definitely shut down. Right when I should have been working towards living life again, I became pregnant again. That was my obsession.

So hopefully this blog will be a-changing in the few months. Interesting new meals I will succeed and fail at. Pictures of an angry looking dachshund who cannot get the yummy taste of cheese out of his head while he plots how to make me leave so he can get the hubby to give him the good stuff. Celebrations with every 10 pounds I lose! I honestly look forward to all of this now! I am glad I am living life again - not just watching it.

:)