The Onward Battle

So this week has become my official terrified week. I noticed some deep pitting edema on my calves :( at only 13+3. The Dr. is not really concerned because I haven't seen a BP spike.... nor have I seen a dip though.... plus I do not have any other funky symptoms.

The solution is compression stockings for awhile and hoping that is all. Scary.

I was feeling so hopeful before - but now I am feeling so down. Viability seems just so very far away. But really, I guess it is not too far.

10 + 3 weeks until life saving efforts will be made.

13 + 3 weeks until the third trimester (which would be amazing if I cross that border!).

16 + 3 weeks until 30 weeks - I would love to make it this far and deliver at any point after.

21 + 3 weeks until my ultimate dream gestation of 35 weeks.

I just want the next 10 weeks to go by kinda fast - give me a small semblance of hope.

I may have had pitting at this time with Vincent- I would never have know to check. My ankles were only slightly swollen - and I didn't start paying attention to this stuff until closer to 18 weeks with Vincent when I had elephant feet- so maybe this is nothing new.

With Vincent I was swollen and had HORRID carpal tunnel for a while by this point - Sprout, none yet, but I know you can't really compare one pregnancy to the next.

With Vincent my BP was higher at this point than mine is now (assuming my machine is still reading good) - but I have no clue when a second trimester dip would occur if it does(please please please).

With Vincent at this point - I was filled with joy. with poor Sprout - I wish I could just sleep the next few weeks away.

So I got all the info from work on leaves and whatnot just to prepare for worst case scenerio (plus I like going through a giant HR so my boss never knows how worried I really am).

I am entitled to 7 weeks of additional FMLA this year (job protected)

If I use that before Sprout is born - I am then entitled to 8 weeks MMLA (job protected) If not than the FMLA and MMLA run concurrently and I get 8 weeks total.

Should I exceed this allowance - I am eligible for a Personal Leave of Absence due to medical reasons. This can last 6 months and is NOT job protected (but it would take 1.5 years of mandatory training to replace me - so I am not too worried about that). The problem with this leave is then I would need COBRA for my medical insurance at 1500 a month.

Having all the options known makes me feel better than the unknown. Even if the options themselves are scary - not knowing is worse!

10+3 until first goal...