A few weeks back I deleted my link to my blog off facebook. I need to have a place to toss ideas around without coworkers / family members / whomever else reading and giving their opinions.

Yet, I am not anonymous. I just don't want a direct link, you know?

So last post I was venting about when your comfort zone just isn't enough. When you need to step outside the box. When you need to do what you need to do. Ideally, I would be a happily married mother of an almost one year old (gasp) who was emotional and financially secure.... well stable at least. But I am not.

My husband has job issues - then turns it around and blames something or other on me "Ohh I am not bitchy I had to work a full day today - I am just mad you made a rude comment when I was laying around and you were doing EVERYTHING " o.k. so the emphasis there is mine - but you get the point.

The hubby got a job, one that actually pays decent for not having a college degree.... or any experience or solid work history for that matter. Then you remember the whole back taxes thing.. yeah apparently my mortgage company remembered them too. Now the hubby has a job, so we would be more comfortable and dare I say stable, but now the mortgage company wants 500 more a month for a year.... booo..... I know it is only for a year - but then what - there is always something that comes next.

When I was a teenager I used to dream of being married, with a husband , and some kids. The typical american dream bullshit. I wanted to be a working wife who doted on her kids nights and weekends, while living comfy with my best friend by my side. A husband who actually would clean the stove - instead of allowing it to catch on fire three times the past month. Really, for fucks sake clean it. How come I can't, well see I do, and then you come along and splash shit everywhere. It sucks frankly. Like the chunks of squash stuck on one corner of the ceiling that have been there FOR OVER A MONTH. He made babyfood, he splashed squah, I have way too much other stuff to do then to try and scrape old squash, which was his fault, off the ceiling....especially since he was out of work the entire time it has been there, just started the new job today.

So... my job thing. I think I will have an offer at a very famous **name of a condiment I hate here**** Clinic who say my resume the whole 3 days it was on-line before I panicked and pulled it down because moving away is just soo scary. We have had a phone interview, now they are flying me out (on a day I already had off at the end of the month). My Hospital is also very prestigious. I love me job. But cost of living out there is better and I will be making more money. I don't see how it could be the wrong choice since quality of life would be so much better. Yeah'ed we'd have to sell our house - but we only owe ~75% of what it worth . I'd break even and call it a day in Boston.

So it seems to me I have been fostering an escape route. Sometimes I would really like to do it alone with the boy. Other times I want to give out here as much of a shot as I can.

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I wrote this post in the beginnning of the week... when I just needed to vent about the hubby. We are getting along fine now, just dealing with the normal stressors of having a baby and no money!